Face it: your pololo is never going to teach you Spanish
...and moving to Chile for a while doesn’t guarantee you’ll learn to speak it either.
You know it’s true. Complain, or join hundreds of gringas getting my weekly emails with strategies to speak Chilean Spanish — without sounding like Google Translate.
If Spanish subtitles make you cry, this isn’t for you.
Now, let me tell you a story...
Years ago, I worked as a waitress at Santiago airport. One day, a drunk gringo wanted to complain because I made him pay his bill. I know, sounds weird, but he was drunk! He turned bright red — either from anger or cirrhosis — and said:
That made him even more outraged.
Silence.
Stereotypes are bad, I know. But they exist, they really do. And you know what they say about gringos: that they’re lazy, arrogant, and think they’re the most important people in the world, even though they don’t even know what’s south of New Mexico.
That’s why coming to Chile without Chilean Spanish will make you feel stupid at the first misunderstanding.
If your pololo can lose patience, imagine strangers: colleagues who think you got the job just for being a gringa, or the saleswoman you hold up, trying to practice Spanish with you while a line of impatient customers curses you for slowing everything down.
No, dear. People have their own problems, so they won’t focus on yours. You can't rely on others' moods, and you can’t stand there like a deer in the headlights while everyone else rushes by.
That said, I have a newsletter...
In it, I send you weekly tips and strategies to understand and speak Chilean Spanish. And of course, to survive in Chile.
It’s like practicing with Chileans on the street, but without blocking lines in stores and without angry people cursing you out behind.
There are already hundreds of gringas subscribed. If you don’t like it or get bored of me (or break up with your Chilean pololo), you can unsubscribe.
You don’t have to pay a thing.
But that’s not all…
Just because I want your email in my database, I’m giving you my audiobook with the five worst words in Chilean Spanish that no one teaches you, but everyone says.
These are the same ones you’ll hear all over Chile that’ll make you feel like you don’t know any Spanish after you get your shiny advanced DELE diploma.
FAQs
Is your audioebook about rude words?
Yes, in many contexts they’re very rude. In others, not so much. But as I’ve always said, knowing them is a must, using them is optional.
But I already speak Spanish.
I’ll let one of my podcast listeners answer that for you:
But I’m not a gringa, I’m from... [Insert any non-Spanish-speaking country here].
You’re a gringa.
I don’t have a Chilean pololo.
Nice job, you haven’t lost your taste. But do you really think speaking Chilean Spanish depends on having a pololo?
If you come to Chile for business, where do you think deals are made? In an office? Speaking formal Spanish? Presenting a polished PowerPoint?
No, darling. The best deals happen after a good drunk, when clients drop their guard, laugh, and connect with you.
The same applies to almost everything else.
Is your newsletter just spam?
I’ll let one of my newsletter subscribers answer that for you, the one who wasn’t receiving my emails because of a technical issue.
All my Chilean friends speak English and are really nice to me.
Yes, but deep down they avoid you because your face is a symbol that they’ll never be able to relax around you. And if they haven’t done it yet, they’ll soon start doing it.
But who are you?!
Natalia Fontalva, the Chilean Spanish teacher, podcaster, and Neurolanguage Coach® with the patience of a Buddhist monk and a ninja dominatrix style, who her students gladly pay for her services.
Like this former student, who after finishing my course, gave me a $200 tip inside a basket full of my favorite vegan products.
Of course, it was an unsolicited gift.
I could keep going with testimonials… But let’s get to the point:
Here are three reasons to download my audiobook:
- I teach you how to recognize the classic lie they tell all gringas like you in Chile to laugh at them at parties. I teach you how to respond with some instant karma. (Pages 12 and 13).
- How to avoid having a really bad time (or a fine) with the police in Chile, just by repeating what your Chilean friends say without actually understanding what you're saying. (Page 15).
- And most importantly: save yourself all those unsexy moments where you interrupt the flow of the conversation because you don’t understand why everyone is laughing.
my audiobook won’t solve all your problems when it comes to speaking Spanish. If it did, I wouldn’t be giving it away for free, but it’s a good start to begin understanding what’s going on around you.
Unless, of course, you’re spending your time in Chile at those “language exchange” groups where everyone just speaks English, or at salsa nights for gringos… dancing and chatting with... other gringos.
If that’s you, don’t bother with my newsletter or audiobook. You won’t need them.
You thought you knew Spanish until you met a Chilean.